Promises

October 9, 2013

By Jessica Shaffer

I began to revisit my blog page the other night, and came across a very painful blog post I had posted a year and a few months ago on July 19, 2012. It was entitled, “Speaking from the Heart” - my public journey with trying to conceive a child with my husband of seven years. To say that it picked at an open wound would be a lie. You see, even after my petition of thirty days of prayer and fasting I saw no blessing. Quite frankly, I felt like a failure. I asked myself why? Why would I be made to look like a fool? I sunk deeper into the rabbit hole that I was trying to get myself out of. If anything I wanted to throw the towel and call it quits.

           

Through the latter part of 2012 I struggled with my faith. I struggled with the promises God had laid upon my heart, and I couldn’t get why I had to keep fighting for what seemed to be so simple for other people. I became angry and resentful. Through my pain, I ate my way to 247 pounds of detestation and self-loathing – I was self-medicating with food. But then, I turned a corner.

           

January of 2013 was the start of a revolution. Like everyone else I began with resolutions, promises of bettering myself. I like so many others began to wonder what I could do to make myself happier through my despair. Like the three previous years before me, I joined Jentezen Franklin’s corporate fast  “30 Days of Prayer and Fasting.” Simply for me, it was the Daniel Fast – but what I didn’t realize was how it would change my life drastically.

           

During the Daniel Fast, I allowed myself only Biblical programming, health channels, and positive documentaries. Through the process I felt an urge to make changes in my diet and exercise. Through the recommendation of my cousin, I joined a local gym, I started juicing, and I started becoming health conscious about all my “food-cisions.” Slowly but surely I saw the old me looking back at me in the mirror. I remember standing in my robe, bent over the sink, looking straight into my own eyes and saying – “you’re coming back.” The weight loss was the least of my cares; though beneficial to my cause I realized that I was fighting for what was mine. Even though I felt like I was, “so over it,” I really wasn’t. No matter how hard I tried walking away from my promise, my heart and faith kept walking me right back to where I needed to be when I needed to be there.

           

Once I finished the fast, I kept up with the exercises and healthy eating. I was even convicted of letting go of soda since it was a major crutch in my dietary habits and the number one reason I teetered with diabetes.  As time kept progressing I openly vocalized with God in my office as I sometimes do while I listen to William McDowell. “God, if you are listening to me. I give up. I’m going to stop begging for this child. I just can’t do it anymore.” Funny thing how God works, because this upset the Lord as it had me, not but one week later he strongly spoke into my heart through the First Lady of the church. He clearly said, “DELAY HAS NOT BEEN DENIAL.”

           

My heart broke in half. I wept like I had never wept before. You see, through this journey God had been molding me in to the strong woman I needed to be. Through all of the pain I could see the pieces coming together to represent my painting, my promise, my journey. Though I fall on my face, though I kick and scream, and threaten to walk away from it all – God calmly speaks to me, not yet my child. Not yet.

           

Gary and I - August 2013

You too might be going trough a walk with Christ where you think, God where is my blessing? Where is my promise? Just like the words of William McDowell’s song, “I Have a Promise,” you are going to see it. God doesn’t plant seeds in our heart so that we suffer wondering why they are there or why they won’t grow. He places that seed in our hearts so that we realize we need to nurture it, how we need to fertilize it, and he tests us just when we need it to show how bad we want that seed to turn into a harvest.

           During this time of Fall Harvest, look around at all the blessings you have received over this past year. God has not forgotten you. He has not forsaken you. All things come in due time – and HIS timing is the best time for us. I may not understand why I have been made to wait seven years to have a child, but I do know a few things. My children have been dedicated to Christ long before they have come along, their purpose is greater than anything I can dream of, and when I finally end up holding them in my arms no heart will be able to contain the joy I will have to see them finally be a part of Gary and I’s life. Keep strong, your promise is coming.

 

Speaking from the Heart
Thursday, July 19, 2012

By Jessica Shaffer

This is going to be tough to write. But I feel like this is something I have shared with a handful of people in my life. And if you really know me, you are aware of the struggles I have been through to conceive a child with my husband. This is me pouring out a very intimate struggle, and in doing so, I’m asking each and every person who reads this to join me every single day for the next thirty days to lift me and Gary in prayer…

There is no greater pain in the world than to want something that seems so simple, yet so unattainable.  This urge has become numbing. It has given me a roller-coaster of emotions that never seem to cease. After 5 years of attempting to get pregnant, I'm beginning to get weary. There were a couple times, that Gary and I both saw two lines. We were elated, but just as quickly as we learned we “were…” we suddenly weren’t. To say that losing a part of you is painful is an understatement.  As contrived as it sounds, there are no words to express the sheer magnitude of grief you encounter.

The desire to have a child is biblical. Psalm 127:3 states, “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” The Hebrews regarded children as a blessing from the Lord (see Gen. 13:16; Ruth 4:13-16; 1 Sam. 1:11). They are a reward and heritage, bringing joy to their parents. Rearing a child is a sacred responsibility, and parents must depend on the Lord to help them guide their children. I realize that the desire to have a baby is far greater than simply giving birth to a part of your own flesh and blood. It’s the most delicate and innate desire for a woman to have. Simply put, it’s the best gift you could ever have from Jesus.

I painfully read the scriptures of Sarah and her barren womb, along with the stories of Leah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth. All these women were afflicted with the deep-rooted desire to birth a child of their own. Their struggles were very real, and also very excruciating.  I’m not going to let others tell me that I’m different than these women, because frankly we all share something very much in common. Our allegiance, dedication, and motivation are the same. We love and praise God, and this intricate yearning is a seed that has been planted in us from the moment we were also knitted in our own mother’s womb. 

My aching is very genuine. Sometimes it hovers over me like a shadow, other times it seems like a distant dream – but all the same it has become an overwhelming desire that is bursting at the seams. I do not write this for you to feel sorry for me, instead for you to understand me, and to join me in this very raw journey. There are very many other women who understand what I am going through right now. They understand the depression that can creep up without warning; they understand the sleepless nights of wonder and prayer. They probably also understand the very private moments, when you are alone and sob until your cheeks sting. They know and understand how difficult it can be when your body can’t and won’t cooperate to create life. But I’m taking a stand, and I’m saying loud and with all the faith I can muster, and I quote these verses:

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

LUKE 1:37 NKJ
37 "FOR WITH GOD NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE."

MARK 9:23 NKJ
23 JESUS SAID TO HIM, "IF YOU CAN BELIEVE, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE TO HIM WHO BELIEVES."

MATTHEW 17:20 NKJ
20 . . . IF YOU HAVE FAITH AS A MUSTARD SEED, YOU WILL SAY TO THIS MOUNTAIN, `MOVE FROM HERE TO THERE,' AND IT WILL MOVE; AND NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU.

MARK 11:24 NKJ
24 "THEREFORE I SAY TO YOU, WHATEVER THINGS YOU ASK WHEN YOU PRAY, BELIEVE THAT YOU RECEIVE THEM, AND YOU WILL HAVE THEM.

I am making a very strong request. And I am begging to those who take this seriously, to make a very strong commitment with me to pray and fast for the next thirty days. I need strong believers in Christ, to help me break bonds. To help me break any chain that is holding this blessing from Gary and I. I am begging for a community of believers like us, to join us and shout to the heavens, “God nothing is impossible.” This journey begins July 23,2012 – join us, and lets prove that miracles still happen everyday. 

Teach Us To Live Well

“Oh! Teach us to live well! Teach us to live wisely and well! Come back, GOD—how long do we have to wait?— and treat your servants with kindness for a change. Surprise us with love at daybreak; then we’ll skip and dance all the day long. Make up for the bad times with some good times; we’ve seen enough evil to last a lifetime. Let your servants see what you’re best at— the ways you rule and bless your children. And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, confirming the work that we do. Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!” Psalm 90:12

Photography By: Jessica Shaffer 

As a new year has changed upon us a lot of our hard work will linger over our minds and hearts as to whether we have done enough. Do not let your insecurities keep you from completing God's work in your life and other's. The door will open at the right time, the right job will be offered when the season is just, and the blessings will pour when you have the space to receive them. Know that all things are timed in HIS perfect will. Therefore, let him teach you how to live well. 

The Heart of Forgiveness

 Forgiveness. A lot of people think they know what this is. But the truth of the matter is, forgiveness can be twisted into a very selfish thing. It has long been argued that forgiveness is a choice we all make in our lives to help ‘us’ move on. But are we truly forgiving the other person? Or are we saying that we forgive the other person so that we feel complacent.

Photography By: Jessica Shaffer

            True forgiveness is a process. It’s not just a phrase that we coin to someone when they have done us wrong. “I forgive you,” is a very complex statement – and in doing so we need to understand the significance it can have in our lives. Jesus Christ’s crucifixion on the cross is the epitome of forgiveness. Ephesians 1:7 says, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace.” The meticulous process that Jesus Christ planned to show us and prove we are truly forgiven began with a virgin birth, a dedication in life, and a spotless sacrifice on the cross. His actions screamed love, and his motives were clear – “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

            Forgiveness is also not a choice. Whether the conviction be there or not, Christ said, Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This quote is a revelation. Tried and true in the statement, do unto other’s as you would want done unto you. Forgiveness is a requirement. Though the heart may take time to heal, we have to choose to lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus.

Photography By: Jessica Shaffer

            Letting someone who hurt you take hold of your life is like leaving an open wound to fester. We have to make the conscious decision to truly be Christ-like and decide and live like we have moved on from the indiscretion. First pray about the situation that has hurt your or caused a quarrel. Secondly, fast – do as Christ did in letting his flesh die. Let the Holy Spirit touch your lips to express the words that should come out of your mouth when the situation needs to be resolved. Thirdly, love and move on. Once these steps have progressed, let go.

            Nothing about the process of forgiveness is easy, but they are essential in showing the world that we can be the light. Let us be an example of Christ’s love – a true Heart of Forgiveness.

Micah 7:18-19

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

Do I Belong?

Have you ever wondered where you fit in—in the church, in your community, in your family?

Almost everyone questions, at some point in their life, how and whether they belong. Some people possess obvious talents and strong confidence in how to best use them. But for most of us, finding our place and identifying how God wants us to serve is a humbling and difficult process.

To everyone doubting their value to the church, the apostle Paul has an encouraging message: you have value; you’ve been called to serve by God Himself; and you’ve been given exactly the grace you need to do it.

Ephesians 4:1-24

Photography By: Jessica Shaffer

I, therefore, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live worthily of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you too were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of the gift of Christ. Therefore it says, “When he ascended on high he captured captives; he gave gifts to men.” Now what is the meaning of “he ascended,” except that he also descended to the lower regions, namely, the earth? He, the very one who descended, is also the one who ascended above all the heavens, in order to fill all things. It was he who gave some as apostles, some as prophets, some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, that is, to build up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God—a mature person, attaining to the measure of Christ’s full stature. So we are no longer to be children, tossed back and forth by waves and carried about by every wind of teaching by the trickery of people who craftily carry out their deceitful schemes. But practicing the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Christ, who is the head. From him the whole body grows, fitted and held together through every supporting ligament. As each one does its part, the body grows in love. — Ephesians 4:1-24 (NET)

Questions to Consider

• Do you feel a specific “calling” to a particular job, ministry, community, or activity? How did you become aware of this calling?
• Even if you don’t identify a specific role for yourself, look back at the last few years in your church or community. Can you discern ways in which you’ve served, even if you didn’t realize it at the time?
• Have you ever felt that you were being called to serve in a way that didn’t take advantage of your natural talents and abilities? How did you understand or resolve this tension?
• Is there anyone in your church or community who seems to feel out of place or disconnected? What can you do to make them feel like they’re an important part of God’s family?

Unity and Humility

Photography By: Jessica Shaffer

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!Psalm 133:1

Do you realize how closely unity and humility are tied together? One breeds the other; neither can exist without the other. They're like Siamese twins, perpetually connected.

Personally, I have seen numerous occasions when pride won out (even though it was never called that) and harmony faded away . . . and I mean fast. . . .

Contrary to the stuff you might read today, the words, fight and quarrel, are not apt descriptions of the way to get ahead. They won't ultimately glorify God.

Friends are made by not fighting and by refusing to quarrel.

Commit yourself to freeing others so they can grow and discover on their own. For a change, as much as is possible, walk away from an argument rather than inviting one. Become more of a peacemaker.

Speaking from the Heart

           This is going to be tough to write. But I feel like this is something I have shared with a handful of people in my life. And if you really know me, you are aware of the struggles I have been through to conceive a child with my husband. This is me pouring out a very intimate struggle, and in doing so, I’m asking each and every person who reads this to join me every single day for the next thirty days to lift me and Gary in prayer…

 There is no greater pain in the world than to want something that seems so simple, yet so unattainable.  This urge has become numbing. It has given me a roller-coaster of emotions that never seem to cease. After 6 years of attempting to get pregnant, I'm beginning to get weary. There were a couple times, that Gary and I both saw two lines. We were elated, but just as quickly as we learned we “were…” we suddenly weren’t. To say that losing a part of you is painful is an understatement.  As contrived as it sounds, there are no words to express the sheer magnitude of grief you encounter.

The desire to have a child is biblical. Psalm 127:3 states, “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” The Hebrews regarded children as a blessing from the Lord (see Gen. 13:16; Ruth 4:13-16; 1 Sam. 1:11). They are a reward and heritage, bringing joy to their parents. Rearing a child is a sacred responsibility, and parents must depend on the Lord to help them guide their children. I realize that the desire to have a baby is far greater than simply giving birth to a part of your own flesh and blood. It’s the most delicate and innate desire for a woman to have. Simply put, it’s the best gift you could ever have from Jesus.

I painfully read the scriptures of Sarah and her barren womb, along with the stories of Leah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth. All these women were afflicted with the deep-rooted desire to birth a child of their own. Their struggles were very real, and also very excruciating.  I’m not going to let others tell me that I’m different than these women, because frankly we all share something very much in common. Our allegiance, dedication, and motivation are the same. We love and praise God, and this intricate yearning is a seed that has been planted in us from the moment we were also knitted in our own mother’s womb. 

            My aching is very genuine. Sometimes it hovers over me like a shadow, other times it seems like a distant dream – but all the same it has become an overwhelming desire that is bursting at the seams. I do not write this for you to feel sorry for me, instead for you to understand me, and to join me in this very raw journey. There are very many other women who understand what I am going through right now. They understand the depression that can creep up without warning; they understand the sleepless nights of wonder and prayer. They probably also understand the very private moments, when you are alone and sob until your cheeks sting. They know and understand how difficult it can be when your body can’t and won’t cooperate to create life. But I’m taking a stand, and I’m saying loud and with all the faith I can muster, and I quote these verses:

All Things Are Possible

LUKE 1:37 NKJ
37 "For with God nothing will be impossible."

MARK 9:23 NKJ
23 Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."

MATTHEW 17:20 NKJ
20 . . . if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, `Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

MARK 11:24 NKJ
24 "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

I am making a very strong request. And I am begging to those who take this seriously, to make a very strong commitment with me to pray and fast for the next thirty days. I need strong believers in Christ, to help me break bonds. To help me break any chain that is holding this blessing from Gary and I. I am begging for a community of believers like us, to join us and shout to the heavens, “God nothing is impossible.” This journey begins July 23,2012 – join us, and lets prove that miracles still happen everyday.